Stress? I had it at one time,

I haven't worked at my other job in almost two weeks. The hostel has been my one source of timing and cadence. Jones from seven months ago would have found this cornucopia of time a major stress. I would have fallen apart at the void of motivating factors. But as I am now, I sit on the porch, I talk about sandwiches and books with my friends. I enjoy the breeze and the sound of the beetles in the trees. I observer the wind as it blows through the trees and the coming and goings of the people in the outlaying area. I've been reading the same book for two weeks, and laying in bed with the lights off and the TV unplugged, watching the shadows creep across my walls as the sun passes over head. I have 27 cents in my drawer and $0.00 in my savings account, with out a care about it. I lit a candle today in a holder and set it in the middle of my floor, just to watch it burn and sputter in the dark. The hum of my conditioner has become a symphony of comfort, with its back up orchestra, its part played by my ceiling fan. From moment to moment my phone breaks the seal of detachment and contentment with its pleading to be answered or responded to, an attention I'm happy to entertain as long as it doesn't disrupt my Haven, my Jonestopia for to long, or put to much demand on my time spent in the world between "productive" and non-defined moments.
I wonder now, what was I working so hard for? what was I chasing or running away from by diving head first into two, three jobs? I know I was scared to stop, to be for a moment. But what was the motivation behind that fear. Also, what is my motivation now, what direction am I heading in? Europe is on my horizon for next spring! How do I achieve that choice, but not cause discord in the world I have encased myself in?